Sometimes I Think

Sometimes in the quiet of the morning, before everyone is awake, I give myself time to think. Sometimes my thoughts wander to what I need to do that day. Sometimes I think about a book I’m editing. Sometimes I think on a deeper level and look inside myself.

Sometimes I find that my mind is focused on the wrong things. Maybe I allow the small stuff to take up residence in my head and heart because it’s easier to face than the hard stuff—the things that really matter.

Recently, I forced myself to take a step back and ask what is really worthy of my time and energy. This was very freeing; once I realized how much I was allowing myself to be emotionally drained by the petty things and decided to let them go, it was like coming up for air after being underwater for too long.

So, who/what is worthy of the space in my head?

• My son and how we need to address his social anxiety and Tourette syndrome. The road ahead of us as we start the process of having him assessed for Asperger’s syndrome. His future. He deserves to be on my mind.
• How to meet the needs of my younger son who is gifted in many areas. I feel like I fall short when it comes to encouraging and nurturing his growth in these areas. He also deserves space in my head.
• My health. I’ve always been blessed with good health, but ever since my dad died and I lost my job, my health—physical and mental—has not been a priority. Depression will do that. I need to make changes.
• My marriage. God knows I am far from the ideal wife. My husband deserves the best of me and I haven’t given that to him for a long time. Again, changes.
• My friends who are struggling. Those I care about who are sick, have sick children, can’t make ends meet, who are grieving… they are worth it.

And who/what is not worthy of the space in my head?

• People who don’t deserve to be there. Those who act like friends when they want or need something but will toss that “friendship” aside when it suits them.
• Undeserved low opinions from people I don’t know and who don’t know me. I like to be liked… I admit that, but there are people will never like who and what I am. Wondering why and having my feelings hurt? Not worth it.
• Grudges. I’ve never been much of a grudge holder. I forgive and move on easily. Every once in a while, though, something will happen and I enjoy disliking someone who hurt me. Is it worth my energy? Not at all.
• Unhealthy criticism of myself. I am much harder on myself than I am on others. If I feel like I did something wrong or let someone down, I will beat myself up over it. It’s time to give myself the same grace I extend to others.

And now? I think I’m done writing this post.